Cultural misstep

written Friday, 8 June 2007

On Wednesday one of my village friends invited me and my counterpart to have breakfast and visit with him the next day. So at dinner that night I told my host family that I would be having breakfast at his house the next day. They said okay, so I thought everything was set.

But in the morning, one of my family members came knocking on my door, telling me to come to breakfast. So I told her again that I was having breakfast with my friend, and she said okay and went away.

When I came back from the breakfast a few hours later (rice porridge instead of the corn porridge my family eats) my family members kept asking me where I had been. So later when I was studying Mandinka/Jaxanke with my counterpart, I told him what I had said to my family and asked him if I had used the wrong vocabulary or grammar structure, since they hadn't seemed to understand when I told them I was having breakfast at my friend's house.

He said that what I had said was grammatically correct, but culturally wrong. He said that by telling my family that I was eating elsewhere, I had implied that I don't like their food. I was confused. Peace Corps told us that it's very common to eat with other families; indeed, if you happen to be at someone's house at mealtime they are obligated to invite you to eat with them, and to be polite you should eat at least a few bites, so as not to give the impression that you don't like their food.

So I asked my counterpart if Peace Corps was wrong and I should always eat with my host family. He said no, it's fine to eat with other families, but I shouldn't tell my family ahead of time that I'm planning on eating elsewhere. Instead, I should just say that I have been invited over for a visit, and then I can tell them later that the other family fed me. And here I thought I was being polite by warning them not to expect me for breakfast! My counterpart said he would go over and talk to them so they won't be offended.