Boundaries

written Monday, 21 May 2007

 

 

Peace Corps advised us to set our boundaries with villagers (such as not letting people into our huts, which was recommended for a variety of security reasons) early, because it is easier to set rules at the beginning than to try to change them later on.   This is easier said than done, though, when you are just meeting people and trying to make a good impression and be culturally sensitive.

 

So the first night here, because I didn't want to seem unfriendly by saying no, I ended up with a kid sleeping in my bed with me, and her whole family supervising us going to bed. (I had to go to bed right then, while they were watching.   I didn't even get to brush my teeth!)

 

I wrote earlier about how hard it has been for me not getting any time to myself during the day to take a break from trying to be super friendly and culturally sensitive and trying to communicate in a language I barely know.   I think my daytime schedule will get better naturally as time goes on, as I become less of a novelty/special guest and become more comfortable living here.   But I decided that having people sleeping with me is where I'm going to have to put my foot down, because I just won't be able to survive here if I can't at least have some time alone at night.

 

My host sister, who is about my age, has been hinting or even outright asking for the last few nights if she could sleep with me (probably because there I have a nice mattress and there would be just the two of us sleeping on it, instead of six people), and I had been avoiding it by pretending not to understand what she was saying and waiting til she wasn't around for a few minutes to go back to my hut and go to bed.  

 

Last night at dinner she asked again if she could sleep with me, and I decided that I would just have to deal with it directly, because I don't want to be stressing about how to avoid this for the next two years.   So when she asked me this time, I just flat-out said no.  She said, "what? you said no?" like she couldn't believe it, or I must not have understood the question.   But I stuck to my decision and said, "That's right, I said no.  I like to sleep alone."  My other sister said "good for you", and then the subject was dropped, and I was able to go to bed in peace.

 

So I feel proud of myself for setting one boundary at least, and it turned out not to be so hard to say no after all.   Now I just have to figure out how to regain some control over the rest of my life....