Feelings and Jelly Beans

written Monday, 7 April 2007

 

Recently I received an email from a friend who said she's enjoyed reading my blog, but I don't really write about how I'm feeling on it.   So how am I feeling?

 

Of course life here has its ups and downs, just like life anywhere.  But overall I'm having a great time and really enjoying all the new experiences.   I have my moments of wondering what I'm doing here, whether I'm doing anything worthwhile or whether it's just a giant vacation for me (and if so, where is the pampering? I miss showers!), but mostly I'm really glad I came here.   Even if I don't manage to do anything useful for anyone in Senegal,  I think I am really learning a lot which will help me to be a better and hopefully wiser person in the future.

 

One thing that I have already noticed changing in my outlook is that I have great respect for people here.   Working in the field of humanitarian assistance, which is what I was doing before I came here, it is easy to see people in developing countries as simply recipients of assistance, people to be pitied.   And I think many of us in America tend to view women in Muslim countries as oppressed because of the different gender roles here and practices such as polygamy and female circumcision/genital cutting.

 

But I have found that the people here, while they may not have much, are resourceful and take care of themselves, and while they appreciate assistance, they don't want pity.   And I haven't met a woman yet who says she feels oppressed by gender roles and cultural practices, but I have spoken to many who not only support but take pride in their place in society.

 

So I am learning.  Some days are really hard, and I am just desperate for a real shower and some American food and to be in my own little apartment where I don't have to try to fit into anyone else's culture or lifestyle, but mostly I am really happy to be having this experience.

 

Today I received a package from a good friend and a girl I just met briefly.  She wrote a note that said she has been reading my blog, and wanted to do something to thank me for the work I am doing here.   I don't think I deserve such compliments at all, but it's very encouraging and motivating to know that people back home, even people I don't know very well, are rooting for me and think I am doing something good here. (Thanks, C!   PS: I gave one of the bags of jelly beans to my family, and they LOVED them.  My mom poured them out on a plate, and then they all just looked at them and ooh'ed and aah'ed at the pretty colors, and wouldn't even eat them until I took a picture of my mom with the plate of jellybeans, which I promised to give her a copy of.   And then they gobbled them up, and gave me high 5's, saying 'way to go, Fatou' (or its equivalent in Mandinka, anyway).  I spent about half the day debating with myself whether I could stand to share my precious toubab food, but seeing how much they enjoyed it was definitely more wonderful than eating them myself.)

 

So, I'm learning.  Toubab food will always be very much appreciated though!